I dressed up as a school girl last night for the guy I was seeing who is a teacher. Bit warped I know but it was fun.
I knew it was going to be the last time we had sex because he has been all over the place emotionally and I can't drag my heart through that kind of shit. I couldn't cum though. I didn't want to because I didn't want to let myself go that much. I just wanted to 'go out on a bang', so to speak.
It's stupid, but I feel like there is some magic ingredient for finding someone special. Like, you know how they say 'it will happen when you are not expecting it' and 'stop looking and you will meet someone'. But I think all that is bullshit.
I think everyone, everywhere, is always on the lookout for someone special. Just look at The Farmer Wants a Wife. And "they" are right - you can't plan when it will happen, when it's the right person it just does. Take married people, for example...I'm sure when they get married they really believe they will be together forever, but how many people have affairs? Is that just the right person coming along at the wrong time?
I can't believe I used to just be able to give my body physically and it not mean anything. Now, I don't understand how someone can want me so bad in a sexual way (he was actually shaking touching me), and not want the rest of the package (I think it's a pretty good package).
I had to explain that I can get a fuck anywhere...that's not want I want anymore and I can't believe he treated me like that. I have done some slutty things in my time but the way he treated me this morning actually made me feel cheap.
How come so many guys you think are 'one of the good ones' turn out to be complete pricks?
I started crying this morning and he actually left. He left me crying. If I see a stranger on the street crying, I check they are ok. I don't just leave them. But he just left. Unbelievable.
And it really hurt. Crying like a schoolgirl. How ironic.